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Diary of a Infrequent Blogger

10:07pm-Shit! I have to blog by midnight! I never should have agreed to Blog Every Day April! Damn you Glee with your singing Journey songs and your will-they-won’t-they plots! What the heck can I blog about!? Writer’s Block!

10:13pm- Time for a Writer’s Block Snack. Triskets!

10:15pm- Forgot Triskets make my mouth bleed. Time for a Post Trisket Bleed Drink. Pink Lemonade!

10:24pm- And of course after drinking Pink Lemonade I must do a manly activity! 100 pushups.

10:53-Well that was embarrassing...

10:59pm- Procrastinating with Christa, she tells me that if I “pile up enough tomorrows all i’ll be left with is a bunch of empty yesterdays” I reply that if I “pile up enough late nights, all I’ll be left with is a heroin addiction.” Maybe I could write about how heroin would affect my writing!

11:06pm-Scratch that idea. Subsequent heroin addiction would cost more than the writing career they would give. Must research cheap drugs.

11:08pm- I come to the realization that the point at which I consider researching cheap drugs, is the point at which sleep is needed.

11:11pm- It’s wish time! I wish for an idea. No lightning bolt of idea hits me.

11:12pm- Still nothing...

11:18pm- It’s time for a Procrastination Snack. Which Cereal Mascot’s plight will speak to me today? Captain Crunch has got that giant ship he breaks walls with, I wonder what would happen if he and the Kool-Aid Man teamed up. Not even Fort Knox would be safe!... Maybe Trix?

11:23pm- They’re after me lucky charms!

11:25pm- Inspiraaaaaation!!! It’s about time someone made a system to decide the best cereal mascot. Someone must fight for the poor rabbit that is constantly denied his only passion. He’s like Ahab, destined to pursue an ever illusive goal until his passion ultimately results in his death! Who will judge the battle for the title of best Cereal Mascot!? Who will decided the victor of... The Cereal Bowl?! That’s me!

11:31pm- And done. Time to sleep...

11:24am- Did I honestly compare a Cereal Mascot to Moby Dick? Where’s the erase button?

My Second Open Letter to a Douchebag that I'm Happy was a Douchbag

Dear Alex,

We don't know each other. You may faintly remember that I'm the guy who was grinding with your ex-girlfriend at a dance while you were grinding with another guy while wearing neon green pants and a pink wig. You also may have read my letter to another douchebag, that letter has caused me to write this one. You see my girlfriend (again your ex, just to make sure youre on the same page...I've heard you aren't the most clever) was slightly offended that she didn't get an angry letter written by one of her friends to you. Also she thinks that I wrote that our first time was terrible (by our I mean Alysha and I, not you and i...sorry neon green just turns me off). So that's why i'm writing you this letter. Unfortunately, I don't really think that I can write an angry letter to you. I'm not angry at all. You see I'm glad that you're a jerk who dumps girls because they won't give him sexual pleasure after a month. Because of that, I'm with an amazing girl who i love and who loves me back (not to brag or anything, if i was bragging I would say that the sex is great...it is...sorry). So thank you, please continue to be an asshole, wear leopard skin banana hammocks and dump girls for being angry that they won't go down on you in the first date, I encourage it. Because while it may hurt the girl in the short term, she'll go for the nice guy (that's me...i hope) and you, you'll probably be alone. Thanks again!

Mitch